Monday, February 24, 2014

A glimpse into my heart...

  {Unsettled: lacking stability, worried and uneasy, anxious, unpredictable.}
  Sometimes, there are times in my life, where I am not settled or content. I can feel it in my heart. I can hear it in my responses, my short temper, and my attitude. I can see it in the way I'm treating people, and the way that I am selfishly living my life. There is a solution though, to the unsettledness and really, it is the easiest and most comforting answer. It's Christ. And, I can always base my unsettledness on the fact that my relationship with the Lord isn't where it needs to be, and I'm trying to fill it with something else. Or, I'm trying to take care of the issue by myself...and we all know, that does more harm than good.
  My heart is troubled, not necessarily in a bad way, I don't think, but I'm being tested. You know those times when you know you need to do or say something, and you can't get it off your mind, but the fear, the anxiety, and the unknown, and really, the selfishness, is holding you back? I pray, and say "Lord, I want to do your will, really I do. I want to follow You, to the ends of the earth! Well, almost the ends of the Earth. Oh, but not that far. Please God, not THAT." It reminds me of Jonah, actually...

"The word of the Lord came to Jonah, the son of Amittai saying "Arise, go to Nineveh the great city and cry against it, for their wickedness has come up before Me." But Jonah rose up to flee to Tarshish from the presence of the Lord." Jonah 1:1-2

  "But Jonah rose up to flee..." 
Running from the Lord, really is a bad idea. It causes me to not trust my Father completely. It makes me timid, and fake, and doesn't allow for my relationship with my God to thrive. And in all honesty, I don't want to be that way!
I'm learning though, that the peace of Christ does not come until I give up my desires and my plans and my will to the One who designed them all in the first place. He ALONE is the one who can calm my anxious heart.

"Do not be anxious then, saying, 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'With what shall we clothe ourselves?' "For all these things the Gentiles eagerly seek; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. "But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness; and all these things shall be added to you. "Therefore do not be anxious for tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. --Matthew 6:31-34  

"Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." --Psalm 46:10 

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, shall guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, let your mind dwell on these things. --Philippians 4:6-8

So, as I sit here and type out the raw thoughts of my heart, I ask for prayer from whoever decides to read this. I know this is pretty bold of me, but I don't want to be a Jonah. I really do want to be a willing and ready disciple of Christ, who follows His calling, and purposefully seeks His wisdom. Please pray for me, and my husband, as we strive to follow God's calling in our lives, whatever it may be. 

Love, Caley

"But if from there you seek the Lord your God, you will find Him, if you seek Him with all your heart and all your soul." Deuteronomy 4:29

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